The Eviscerated Panda Saga

There are five books in the Eviscerated Panda series and the sixth is being written right now. They can be purchased from

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Eviscerated Panda are a newly formed thrash metal band. They are the brainchild of ageing lead guitarist Phil Winter. They represent his big hope for regaining his former musical self-esteem and his luck with the ladies. Phil had to hastily exit stage left from his last band when his dalliances with the drummer’s fiancée were discovered.
Young singer and underachiever Nick loves the band because it provides an escape from his dull job in a supermarket. For rhythm guitarist Ian it’s all he’s ever wanted to do. For bass player Jim it’s a pleasant hobby, at least to begin with. For drummer Paul it’s a step up from being in a covers band and a sometime causer of arguments between him and his wife.
A band is much more than just the musicians in it, it’s a whole ecosystem. A female perspective is given by close friends Cleo and Jenni as the Pandas play to and hang out with an audience comprised of friends, fans, wives, girlfriends, future girlfriends, lovers, promoters, other bands, interested spectators and uninterested spectators. After a nervous first gig in their native Reading they play in Swindon, Coventry, Oxford, Dudley, Brighton, Birmingham and Camden. In between gigs they mostly go to the pub, eat biscuits, record an E.P, read a girl’s guide to heavy metal written by Cleo, practice and make grandiose plans for their future. Occasionally they get laid. Even more occasionally they get paid to play.

P2Eviscerated Panda – Back In Bamboo is a book that meanders around the topics of heavy metal, happiness, sex, morality, love and biscuits. It follows the lives of keen for success metal band Eviscerated Panda and their friends, families and lovers over a four month period. There are chance meetings with old band mates, birthday celebrations and career aspirations. Eviscerated Panda play loud gigs in Camden, in Coventry, in their home town of Reading and in Torquay. They have to cope with the temporary closure of their favourite pub, the Green Man, which is the scene of much of their carousing. Ian has trouble in his life of love while Dean and Lucy are getting started on theirs, if only his Mum would give them a minute of privacy. Suzi does a rude thing in a dressing room suitable only for mature readers. They go to see the inspiring kings of metal, Manowar. They play an April Fool’s day joke on their fans. Some of them wake up in a room that smells of onions. The book ends with the Pandas playing on the same bill as Nightshade Milkshake, the band that lead guitarist Phil was in before he made the Pandas happen.

P3Eviscerated Panda – Vulgar Display of Panda is the third book that follows Reading’s premier thrash band as they chase musical success and fulfillment. They play gigs in Camden, Coventry, Kentish town, Reading and High Wycombe.
Often the need to also attend to the rest of their lives gate crashes their plans. Were it not for paid employment, families and the pursuit of women they would be a global success by now. They find some things are never easy, while some people are always easy.
Phil revels in the attention of an interviewer, the Pandas record an album and Suzy’s band management career sees her take on another group of men. Ian gets lucky, and then he gets lucky again and again. He’d like you to high five him right now. There’s a metal pilgrimage to Wacken for some. The singer of another band troubles the Panda’s womenfolk. A baby is born, some criminal activity occurs, a gig with a glam band bemuses. The near waking of a baby is averted by a story about Carrotlicker Tonguewiggle and chums (a band of bunny rabbits). There is a haircut, an engagement and peace made with old adversaries.
If this all sounds too exciting rest assured there are also a great many band practices, cosy pub nights in the Green Man and a spot of shopping. The metal soap opera that is Eviscerated Panda continues…

P4Eviscerated Panda volume four follows the band and their significant others through the end of their second year making music together. They play at the Edge Bar and Suzy has a tantrum of epic proportions. Phil and Suzy make up, Jez has dinner with a mystery woman and Nick and Jenni celebrate their engagement. The Pandas play in Camden with Horror Frog and Dick Trouble and the Viagras. Victor turns up in Reading, Paul has a chance meeting with an old band mate and Eviscerated Panda play in the home of metal with Nightshade Milkshake. Paul takes on a side project, much to Phil’s disgust, and Victor enrols at the University of Reading. Ian meets his Mum, the Pandas play a Halloween gig and Victor completes the line-up of his new Reading based band called Deep Red Mistress. A ring is given to Cleo and the Pandas play with Dick Trouble and the Viagras in Witney. Jenni receives birthday flowers from two men. Paul plays gigs with a band other than Eviscerated Panda and Deep Red Mistress play their debut gig. Two of the Pandas attend the golf club dinner dance and the Pandas play in Coventry with Over-revved Engine. Christmas is celebrated and Phil wonders what the future holds. He’s still searching for that elusive musical success…

P5Eviscerated Panda – So Far, So Good, So Panda is the fifth book in the Eviscerated Panda series. We join the Pandas at the start of a fresh new year and follow them until October, while they try not to get jaded and faded by life’s demands.
Early in the year Ian and Gav meet their estranged Mum, Suzy celebrates her thirtieth birthday and the Pandas play at the Edge Bar. Phil and Cleo celebrate February birthdays and the Pandas play with Horror Frog in Camden. There are gigs aplenty; in Coventry with Over-revved Engine, at the Edge Bar with Dick Trouble and for Paul’s covers band the Bandits of Party City a date at the swanky golf club.
Victor, the singer of Deep Red Mistress irritates Phil when they play together at Reading University. Phil is much happier when his old band, Nightshade Milkshake, support the Pandas at the Edge Bar. Paul is invited to join the Bandits of Party City full time and the Pandas record their second album.
Personal relationships take up plenty of time while bands wait to get big. Jez and Cleo visit a castle. Nick and Jenni move in together and celebrate Nick’s quarter century birthday. Paul and Angie celebrate their wedding anniversary and Rose’s first birthday. The Pandas have a barbecue at Phil’s house.
The second album is launched with a gig at the Edge Bar with Horror Frog. Paul goes on a farewell drinks outing for the Bandit’s drummer and the Pandas play in Bognor with Horror Frog. Paul joins the Bandits of Party City as a full time member. The Pandas play at a bike rally and Deep Red Mistress play in Coventry.
Phil outlines his Pandas on tour plan. Paul has a calendar mix up. Phil buys a van and kicks a stressful aspect of his life firmly to the kerb. Paul decides to leave the Pandas. The Pandas advertise for a new drummer. Cleo has doubts about Jez.
Suzy is not pleased to see men in uniform. The Pandas look for a new drummer and play a final gig with Paul. Gav and Cleo move back to Reading and a promising new drummer excites Phil. Eviscerated Panda has claws and potential.