The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1997

A Love Letter To London From Cleo Howard and I

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When you’re growing up in the south of England, London is the cool place where everything happens and you can’t wait to go there. It’s a place that represents freedom and pleasure. It’s a place where you can buy clothes and create your identity. It’s a place where you can hear music you love.

To celebrate this, here are some of the mentions of London made in Cleo Howard’s diaries.

3Diaries

 

Wednesday 11th June 1997 I didn’t buy Kerrang! this week because Bon Jovi is on the cover. I read in Ian’s Metal Hammer that Alice Cooper is playing here in England in July. I asked Mum if I can go. She said no. She says I’m not old enough to go to London on my own. I said I wouldn’t be going on my own, Jenni and Ian would be coming with me. She said they aren’t old enough to go either. She said maybe next year when I’m sixteen. Why does everything have to wait until I’m sixteen? I’m mature for my age. It’s so unfair. We listened to Gav’s Best of the Undertones album. I wish I was getting some teenage kicks.

Wednesday 2nd July 1997 I’m so happy today. I get to go to my first gig (Reading Festival Sunday – Metallica and Marilyn Manson) in less than two months. Maybe next year I’ll get to go to a gig in London. I bought Kerrang! without hesitation because Alice Cooper is in it. Jenni won’t like this issue though because Alice is claiming that Marilyn Manson stole his act. We’ll see for ourselves in August! Me and Ian listened to Gav’s The Specials album. I like “Too Much Too Young”. I’m going to heed its warning and not get married too young (or maybe at all, it looks rubbish based on Mum and Dad).

Monday 6th October 1997 Today I went into town with Shot. She needed some safety pins for a T-shirt she’s customising. She said you can’t buy decent punk clothes anywhere in Reading. She said when she’s eighteen she’s going to go out in London wearing just black masking tape over her nipples, like Wendy O Williams. She said Wendy O Williams gets misunderstood and what she does is not about sex, but is really about power.

Tuesday 26th May 1998 We had our English Literature exam today. Miss Wallace told us not to be nervous because she had prepared us well. But she looked really, really nervous.  All we knew about the exam was that we would get a poem by one of fifteen poets and then we’d have to write about it. When I turned over the paper it was William Blake’s “London”. I’ve never read this before but it had loads of stuff in it to comment on. I have now finished doing English. It was my favourite subject. Everything else is harder than English.

Wednesday 27th May 1998 If William Blake had been to Camden he might not be so rude about London. I suppose London probably was grim in the olden days when he was writing.

Thursday 15th October 1998 Mum said Jean and Josie were in the shop, buying lots of Andrex loo roll. You can win a weekend in London. Jean said they like to try and add some excitement to their weekly shop. Mum wished them luck.

Wednesday 27th January 1999 Matty Bateman farted really loudly in English and said “Bring out the Branston!” He thinks he’s funny but he’s not. I suggested to Dazza that his band should have a mascot, like Vic Rattlehead. He’s going to draw one. I found some Sociology in The Rats. Mr Harris, the teacher, is sad because the poor areas of London are mucky and covered in litter and get rats more easily. Mr Harris sounds like a good teacher like Miss Wallace.

Wednesday 24th February 1999 I met Jenni and Shot at eight-thirty and we got the bus to London. We got the tube to Kensington Market and we didn’t get lost because Shot knew where she was going because she’d been before with Glen. Every shop in Kensington Market has great stuff. I looked at a bag which is a silver backpack with angel wings but it was forty pounds. Maybe I’ll come back for it if I get lots of birthday money.

Jenni’s favourite shop is The Black Rose. It is the Gothest shop I have ever seen. Jenni got an Omen Clothing top that says “Vampire” and an SDL bondage skirt. Shot spent ages looking in the hairdressers at their pictures of what they can do. They only do alternative hairstyles and can dye your hair any colour you want. They also do extensions (like Danni from behind the bar at the Green Man has) that look like My Little Pony hair. You can have them in tiny plaits or in dreadlocks.

I bought a Misfits T-shirt. I got a different one to the one Shot has. Shot has the skull one and I have the Die, Die, My Darling one. I got a black leather skirt too. Shot got lime green and bright pink hair dye and a Stargazer bleach kit. She also got an Omen Clothing bondage dress with the Sex Pistols’ God Save The Queen print on. She nearly bought one which had “slut” printed all over it but she’s not a slut.

All the shops have cool music playing. I heard David Bowie’s “Rebel Rebel”, plus loads of Marilyn Manson, Rammstein, Bob Marley (Shot said that it is an ancient bylaw that Bob Marley’s Legend album has to be playing somewhere at all times in Kensington Market), Iron Maiden and Entombed.

Tuesday 29th June 1999 I made Ian come in Miss Selfridge with me today and we saw Jessica Rice. She had her hair in pigtails with fluffy hairbands, like Britney Spears in the “Baby One More Time” video. Jess left school after GCSEs and has been working in Miss Selfridge ever since. She is still engaged to Owen Tranter. He is a DJ in Reading but he wants to branch out to London.

Thursday 16th September 1999 Why is everyone playing Geri Halliwell’s “Mi Chico Latino”? I heard it in Miss Selfridge today. Me and Jenni saw Jessica Rice in Miss Selfridge. She is still going out with Owen Tranter but he’s called DJ Onit now. Jess said it was a clever name because it’s like “on it”, like on drugs or ready for a big night out, but also, it’s his name; “O” for Owen, “ni” for Nigel which is his middle name and “T” for Tranter. He hasn’t got any DJing gigs in London yet. He will probably be the next Fatboy Slim according to Jess, which will make her the next Zoe Ball.

Monday 18th October 1999 Type O Negative are playing in London in December! Type O Negative! In London! Which is near Reading! I have to go. Imagine being in the same room as Pete Steele and seeing his actual face! And the rest of him! The man is practically a God. Jenni is asking her parents tonight if she can go. They will say yes without a fight. I need to pick my moment with Mum. I also want to ask her if I can have driving lessons but this will have to wait until she’s said yes to Type O.

Wednesday 20th October 1999 Mum has agreed to me going to see Type O Negative! She didn’t even argue or try to make me promise to be back at a certain time. I took all my washing up downstairs and then I asked. I pointed out that Jenni is going, that her Dad is a university lecturer, that Ian is coming with us, and I already have a ticket and I’ve been to London a bunch of times already and nothing bad happened. Mum said yes I can go and she said if I go to uni next year she’ll have no say in what I do so she might as well get used to it. Now I just have to wait forty days! It’s such a long time. It’s like that bit before Easter when religious people give up chocolate. Now I actually understand how tough that would be.

Tuesday 30th November 1999 I am going to see Type O Negative tomorrow! I can’t think about anything else. None of us have lessons on Wednesday afternoons so we’re going to London at two!

Wednesday 1st December 1999 Me, Ian, Jenni and Lex got the coach to London and we were too early for the gig so we went to Tower Records at Piccadilly Circus (Lex has been here before with Mopey) and we went to a pub called the Intrepid Fox which is like a much bigger version of the Green Man and then we queued up outside the Astoria to get into the gig. I just stood and looked at what people were wearing for a bit. There were lots of people with pink hair like Shot. There were a lot of women in high heels. I read in the Playgirl interview that Pete Steele did that he likes women in high heels. I tried them once but they made my ankles shake.

I was wearing my fourteen hole DMs, Nine Inch Nails vest, matt black PVC skirt and lime green fishnet tights (for some “Creepy Green Light”, like the Type O song!)

Static X didn’t turn up. Wayne Static has hair that stands on end, as if he’s been Van de Graaf generatored, like I once was in Physics, because my hair was the longest and straightest in the class. Coal Chamber were good. I liked them better live than I do on CD. Seeing Nadja reminded me to practise bass. If I was in a band I could be backstage with the other musicians.

Type O Negative were incredible! Me and Jenni were more excited than Ian and Lex. I think we squealed when the band came on but in a cool way, not in a lame boy band way obviously. We weren’t the only ones. Pete Steele is even better looking up close (I’ve decided to refer to him as Pete rather than Peter, it’s more informal and I have now been in the same room as him, sharing the same air). He has the deepest voice I’ve ever heard. It’s like standing next to a speaker. It goes all the way from your head to your feet, pausing in the middle to tickle your special lady place (sorry for being indecorous Dear Diary, but it’s so true). There were loads of girls wearing really low cut tops and I wished my chest would get a move on and grow. Ian and I could perve freely since our boyfriend and girlfriend weren’t there. Everything on stage was lit up with green lights. I didn’t want it to end.

Afterwards I was so sad it was over. We walked to Oxford Circus tube station. Almost the whole platform was full of people who had been to the gig. Then we got the Victoria line tube to Victoria so we could get the coach back to Reading. I don’t like the crowds on the tube. Ian held my hand when we were getting off at Victoria so I didn’t get lost. We went to a shop called Whistlestop and got crisps then we got the coach home. It was really cold when we got off the coach in Reading. When I got in I had a cup of tea. Mum got up for a wee (or was she checking to see I wasn’t drunk?) and said I will be tired in the morning.

Saturday 4th December 1999 Mum is being mental today. She accused me of doing drugs when I went to London. She has seen loads of news reports about the dangers of ecstasy and thinks that as soon as you get off the coach in London someone gives you a big bag of drugs and asks you if you want to be a prostitute. She would go mad if she heard Ice T telling women to follow their dream of being a ho. He’s not saying women should be a ho, just if they want to. Some women might like it. It’s not in the folder of careers leaflets in the library.

Tuesday 7th December 1999 I think when I leave school I should move to London. Great gigs happen all the time in London. I wonder if there is a university which is near the Astoria? Or one near Camden?

 

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

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Some books that you have to study at school fall out of your brain the moment you’re finished with them. The Handmaid’s Tale is not one of those books. With a new adaptation starting this week (see the Radio Times for more information) I decided to share the extracts from The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1997 and The Mega Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1998 which mention the book. It sparks a lot of thoughts for Cleo.

Hmaids

Friday 27th November 1997

We started reading A Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood in English today. It’s set in future America. There is a character in it called Janine. When Miss Wallace read this bit Janine Sackett blushed. A bit later there was a character called Lydia and Lydia Moore blushed. There is never a character called Cleo in anything we read at school.

Friday 4th December 1997

I woke up feeling sick, not because I’m ill but because I have a doctor’s appointment to get the pill. I keep thinking about how pleased Barry will be when I tell him.

We read more of The Handmaid’s Tale today in English. It’s starting to remind me of Brave New World because the people are in groups. In Brave New World there are Alphas, Betas, Epsilons and Gammas. In The Handmaid’s Tale there are Marthas, Handmaids, Commanders and Unwomen.

My doctor’s appointment wasn’t too bad. In fact it was surprisingly easy. I didn’t see anyone I knew in the waiting room (except Jenni who waited with me, flicking through copies of Country Living and The Lady).  I went in on my own to see Dr Turnbull. He looks ancient, about fifty. I got a sudden surge of bravery from somewhere. As soon as Dr Turnbull shut the door I said “I’d like the pill please”. He took my blood pressure then gave me a prescription to take to the pharmacy. He has given me three months of tablets and told me to come back in three months for more. He said you only get three months to start with to check they suit you. I’m going to swallow them, not wear them! He gave me a leaflet about what to do if I miss a pill and explained some stuff but I can’t remember any of it, I was too busy thinking about Barry’s face when I tell him he doesn’t have to wear a condom and about the three months of condom free shagging ahead!

I had to wait a little while in the pharmacy and I didn’t know that I had to sign the back of the prescription. The pill is free and you have to tick a box that says “I have been prescribed free of charge contraceptives”. The assistant was a lady and quite young. She pointed at the box I had to tick and she smiled at me, like it was our secret.

I read the leaflet properly when I got home. I have just got my period so I can start taking the pill now! I will be protected from now on. I think whoever invented the pill is a genius. I wonder if he or she did it because they don’t like condoms or children or both?

Friday 11th December 1997

We did chapters four and five of The Handmaid’s Tale today. It had a bit where Offred is told there is freedom to and freedom from. This reminded me of a bit in Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit; “Walls protect and walls limit”. The only walls I want are the ice creams and I’d rather have freedom to than freedom from any day. There was also a bit where the character Janine is pregnant. Janine Sackett looked really embarrassed. It would be quite good to be gay because you wouldn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.

Friday 8th January 1998

“Just one more day and then you can go out on the sauce tomorrow night”. Terry said when I called for Ian this morning. Then he offered us the last of the Christmas liquorice allsorts to eat on the way to school. All the good ones had gone. Nanny Howard says too much liquorice can give you a sad tummy.

We read chapter seven of The Handmaid’s Tale today. Offred has to live in a house away from her family and friends (like at uni but worse because she isn’t allowed out on her own and it’s a future world but not a pleasant one, like Helloween sang about, it’s a horrible one like in Nineteen-Eighty-Four (the book, not the year, I was only one year old in the year so I don’t know what it was like). At night Offred imagines being in better places and being with her Mum. She remembers a time when her Mum and her Mum’s friends burnt pornographic magazines as a protest. Everyone looked at Mark Dobbs when Janine read this out. Offred’s Mum sounds like she’d be embarrassing but it’s still sad if you don’t ever see your Mum, like Ian.

Saturday 9th January 1998

I wonder if there will ever be a world without pornography, like in The Handmaid’s Tale? According to Ian there is loads of porn on the internet but it’s not worth bothering with because it takes too long to download. Ian showed me once where Gav keeps his mucky magazines (at the back of a record box, under his bed). Gav doesn’t know that Ian knows where they are.

Ian has seen Sally’s chest and has felt, but not seen, her bush. At the pub tonight Sally said she thinks that men who have girlfriends don’t need to look at porn. T-Reg said that you don’t always want to look at the same ones, just like you don’t always want the same flavour Pot Noodle.

Friday 15th January 1998

We read chapter nine of The Handmaid’s Tale and a bit of it reminded me of D.H. Lawrence when he said young people take sex like a cocktail. Margaret Atwood wrote “men and women tried each other on, casually, like suits, rejecting whatever did not fit”. There is nothing casual about what I feel for Barry, which I suppose makes it formal. My love for him is like a ball gown, with a diamond necklace and a tiara to match.

Monday 18th January 1998

Mr Moffat told me I should be wearing gloves today. I have got gloves, I just forgot them. He seems to think because I’m sixteen and he’s ancient he can boss me around and treat me like I’m stupid. I do know that it’ll be cold in January. I hate being treated like a half finished human.

Shot said she forgot to rewind the video before she dropped it in to Blockbuster. She said “Oh well, it’s all anarchy, innit?”

I’ve just noticed that the rulers of the Republic of Gilead (the place where The handmaid’s Tale is set) has a conflict theory approach to society. There is competition for scarce resources. I haven’t noticed any other Sociology all around me in the actual world yet. Society is a bit like oxygen, it has to be there but you can’t really see it unless you look in a special way.

Friday 29th January 1998

Everest is a mountain and also a double glazing company. Yesterday I used it to mean vagina, Dear Diary, just to be clear. I think when you are a really great writer you don’t have to explain your metaphors. Flagpole works okay for penis though. Miss Wallace said we have to think about English on a deeper level now we’re in sixth form. We have to read and absorb. We have to notice the words that weren’t chosen as well as the words that were.

Janine had to read chapter sixteen of The Handmaid’s Tale aloud today. The whole room was silent as she said the F word. For a book we have to read at school it’s quite sweary but it isn’t sweary for no reason, it describes situations that people would definitely swear in. Offred has to have sex with the commander in the same room as his wife so that she might get pregnant. It is a grim scene. Holly Rowlands said it was state sanctioned rape, even if Offred said it wasn’t, because her other life choices were so bad. No-one else said anything. Holly never goes red when she answers questions in class.

I love going round Barry’s and getting into his warm bed. I wish I could spend a whole week just snuggled up watching telly and making love. Reading The Handmaid’s Tale has made me aware of the difference between fucking and making love. On Gimme Gimme Gimme tonight Linda got Liam Gallgher’s phone number from her sister Sugar Walls who is famous. I know so many people who fancy Liam but give me Pete Steele, or Rob Zombie, or Rob Flynn, or Max Cavalera any day. We also watched Bang, Bang, It’s Reeves and Mortimer. Paul McKenna was on it. I wonder if he could hypnotize Mum to stop her going on at me to bring my mugs and plates downstairs?

Friday 5th February 1998

I got my period this morning. Annoying. In The Handmaid’s Tale we found out that Offred’s boyfriend Luke might be dead, or might be alive and in the resistance. When I think of the resistance I think of Michelle from ‘Allo ‘Allo! Offred used butter as moisturiser because handmaids aren’t allowed real moisturiser. The other women want to make them ugly. I always use Simple moisturiser on my face and Body Shop moisturiser on the rest of me. On my way home I went to the library to renew my books. The woman on the counter said I will soon be able to do it on the computer instead of coming into the library.

Me and Barry watched Parkinson because Harry Enfield (who I like) and Michael Caine (who he likes) were on it. I said that Parky should have Lemmy on. Barry told me that there was a Pot Noodle advert about six years ago with “Ace Of Spades” as the music but it got banned because it made people feel ill. I don’t remember it but I was only eleven at the time and I didn’t start listening to metal until I was twelve. It saddens me to think I wasted twelve years listening to rubbish music.

Friday 12th February 1998

The Handmaid’s Tale was revolting today. Everyone watched Janine/Ofwarren give birth. Getting pregnant is the thing I am most scared of in life. It’s awkward that the pretend character Janine in the book The Handmaid’s Tale is whiny and annoying, like real Janine Sackett who goes to my school is. She is much nicer now she doesn’t hang round with Carina Norman but some people still won’t give her a chance.

Dazza said Venomous Lizzard are writing a song called “Lesbian Exorcism”. This was my idea, based on the book Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit. Maybe I should write song lyrics. No-one ever writes songs about periods so maybe I should suggest this to Dazza or perhaps keep this idea for my own band when I form one.

Mum was reading the telly guide while I was having breakfast. She said Jim Davidson and Thora Hird are on Parkinson tonight. She said she hopes Jim keeps it clean. The Vanessa Show and Trisha have had fake guests on recently. Even if Parkinson’s guests are boring and old, at least they are real. Normal people look a bit shabby on telly.

I couldn’t wait to see Barry today. His Mum had gone round her friends before going to bingo so we had the house to ourselves all evening. We did it twice, Barry said it was once as usual, and once to make up for when he saw me yesterday but we couldn’t do it.

On Gimme Gimme Gimme tonight Tom got married to a lesbian so that she could stay in England with her girlfriend. Linda was a bridesmaid and she got a job in a porn film called Poor White Trash Get It On. I wonder if I’ll ever get married? Even if Barry asked me now we’d have to wait until I’m eighteen because you need your parent’s consent to get married before eighteen. Mum would be bound to say no.

Friday 19th February 1998

In The Handmaid’s Tale Offred played Scrabble in secret with her commander and he let her look at a forbidden Vogue magazine. She asked him for hand cream and he got her some. All of this is not allowed in her society. She feels like his mistress now, not just a faceless woman he has to try to get pregnant to repopulate the planet. I can’t help thinking that babies could be created more easily, like in Brave New World.

I read a Vogue magazine once. It’s not as good as Terrorizer or Metal Hammer or Kerrang! even. I would hate to live in the Republic of Gilead (where The handmaid’s Tale is set), they have uniforms and no pub to go to on a Saturday. Choosing your clothes helps you choose your life.

Monday 22nd February 1998

It’s half term week. Hooray! My five favourite foods are cheese, chocolate, ice cream, malt loaf and chips. I would eat any of these things for breakfast even though Mum thinks breakfast can only be toast or cereal. Jenni sometimes has pain au chocolat.

I finished reading The Handmaid’s Tale even though we only had to do a few more chapters for homework. I don’t like waiting to see what happens. The ending is mad, set in the year 2195, and we never know if Offred escaped or was taken to prison. I’ve decided for myself that she escaped and she found her boyfriend and their daughter and the resistance overthrew the Government of Gilead and people were free again and scientists helped make people fertile.

Monday 8th March 1998

I caught STR sniffing Shot’s hoodie that she’d left in the common room today. He is definitely in love with her and she is definitely in love with Glen.

There was a new programme on tonight called The Grimleys. It’s set in Dudley in nineteen-seventy-eight and is mostly about Gordon Grimley, a schoolboy who is good at English and bad at P.E. He reminds me a bit of me when I was younger, before sixth form. He fancies Miss Titley, his English teacher. Tonight they were reading Romeo and Juliet and everyone giggled when Gordon said “breast”. We would have giggled too, before sixth form. Breast is nothing now, we’ve all heard much worse in The Handmaid’s Tale.

Happy World Goth Day!

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Ep 6 stillIn honour of today (22nd May 2017) being World Goth Day here are some extracts from The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1997 that feature the word “Goth”.

Sunday 5th January 1997

I realise, Dear Diary, I haven’t introduced you to people who were at the pub last night. Ian and Jenni are my best mates at school. Jenni is the only Goth in our year. She’s tall and smart and beautiful. Ian is tall and I suppose he’s handsome but I don’t see him that way. Ian and Jenni keep me sane when Mum is arsey (a long sad story Dear Diary, involving a marriage split). I actually rather like school (except Maths and P.E.) because I get to see my mates. Bob and Simon The Raspberry are metal heads in the year above me at school. It’s interesting knowing older people. Last year I didn’t know what a blow job was so Bob demonstrated using a banana. I still can’t look at a banana without blushing but at least I will never be in the embarrassing situation of actually blowing now I know that this is not what you do. Simon gets his name because he spits a bit when he speaks (only a teeny bit, nothing like the Roy Hattersley Spitting Image puppet) and when he was overexcited once he made a raspberry noise.

I took the Christmas decorations down today. This is always my job. Before Mum and Dad separated me and Dad used to put up and take down the decorations together. Mum used to make mince pies for us when we put them up and bacon sandwiches when we took them down.

One of the tiny shiny red parcel decorations with gold ribbon wrapped round it came unravelled when I was undecorating today. I was fascinated by these pretend presents as a child and I wondered what was in them. It’s a block of polystyrene. That’s another one of the mysteries of childhood that turns out to be disappointing, like the day I found out Sylvania is a real place but isn’t populated by cute animal families, just normal people or like the day I found out what Dad was hiding on top of the wardrobe (my suspicion was sweets) and it was just some playing cards with pictures of ladies in their bra and pants.

***

Saturday 11th January

I went to the Green Man pub with Ian and Jenni. The way it works Dear Diary, is that we turn up wearing lipstick and smoking and no-one doubts that we’re eighteen because we appear to be so confident. Well, Ian and Jenni appear to be confident, I just follow behind them. Both of them look older than their age because they’re tall. We don’t draw attention to ourselves and no-one questions us. We don’t get too drunk or too noisy so we aren’t a nuisance. I’ve seen people get kicked out for this. It seems to me that you can do what you want so long as you do so discretely, so I don’t go boasting about having been to the pub, I just quietly go about my business.

We often see the metal heads from the year above us or the Goths from the sixth form. All the metal/goth/punk people at school sort of talk to each other or at least nod at each other, regardless of what year they are in. It’s like an invisible bond. The Green Man is a rock pub so it’s full of cool people and has no townies or trendies to bother us. They have their own places, whose door I wouldn’t darken for fear of hearing rubbish music.

Tonight Bob and Tyrannosaurus Reg were out. Reg is so much hotter than you would think based on his name Dear Diary. I wish I had a photo to show you. I think he’s the best looking boy in the year above, but Jenni thinks it’s Darren “Dazza” Baskerville.

***

 Monday 20th January

It was so hard to get out of bed today. I wanted to stay in my cosy sleep fog. If it wasn’t for Mum shouting up the stairs and for Slayer’s “South of Heaven” I’d never have got upright.

Some twats at school today were going on about how great ecstasy is and how Brian Harvey shouldn’t have got kicked out of East 17 for taking it. Frankly I don’t care how East 17 end, just so long as they do.

Meanwhile, I’ve got bigger stuff to think about, should I dye my hair blonde? The Great Kat looks amazing. Ian said she gives him a stiffy of epic proportions. He thinks she would give the best hand jobs in the world because of her guitar virtuosity. I said maybe she’ll tug him off and record his grunting noises and squeals of pleasure as a track on her next album.

Lex and Mopey Dick spoke to me and Jenni today. They are in the sixth form and are Goths. Jenni fancies Lex even more than she fancies Dazza. Mopey needed to borrow some eyeliner. He said he felt naked without it. He talks really slowly, like just being alive is an effort. He sounds a bit like a record played at the wrong speed. His proper name is Richard Rippingdale and he tried to get everyone to call him “Ripper”, which is a very good Goth name, but instead every calls him Mopey Dick, which suits him well.

We did long division in Maths today. I did really, really long division because it seems to take me longer than everyone else.

Free Kindle Promotion 1st to 3rd January 2017 – The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1997

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VMD97

The year 1997 is now 20 years ago. Some of my old T-shirts have become vintage classics. To celebrate, The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard 1997 is free on Kindle from 1st to 3rd January 2017.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Very-Metal-Diary-Cleo-Howard-ebook/dp/B00JFBDVC4

It’s also on Soundcloud as an audiobook:

https://soundcloud.com/sarah-tipper-634312989

And I can be seen reading it on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClmfyi98vMxGE-JN45Yge1g

 

FREE ebook The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard

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VMD97This weekend (21st to 23rd October) The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard is free on Kindle.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Very-Metal-Diary-Cleo-Howard-ebook/dp/B00JFBDVC4

https://www.amazon.com/Very-Metal-Diary-Cleo-Howard-ebook/dp/B00JFBDVC4

If you prefer to listen rather than read  it also exists on Soundcloud as an audiobook:

https://soundcloud.com/sarah-tipper-634312989

And I can be seen pretending to be Cleo Howard and reading it on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClmfyi98vMxGE-JN45Yge1g