Snaggletooth has been eating red pepper, Bakewell tart, corned beef and chips recently. He likes pretending the jam in Bakewell tarts is virgin’s blood. It isn’t, and neither is the ketchup he likes on his chips, but when you’re a big head, you have a big imagination.

Snaggletooth has been in a cakey mood this week. I asked him if he likes Kipling (Mr, imaginary manufacturer of the French Fancy) and he said he didn’t know, he’d never Kippled (credit for this joke to Donald McGill).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_McGill

Snaggletooth loves the pink Mr Kipling French Fancies. The rounded protuberances remind him of nipples. I’ve told him no-one wants to hear that kind of dirty talk while they’re having afternoon tea. He’s also recently nibbled some watermelon, some lettuce and a fish finger sandwich.

Snaggletooth has enjoyed some local honey on World Honey Bee Day (20th August), has nibbled a digestive, scoffed a scone and chewed up a Curly Wurly.

If being rock ‘n’ roll was an Olympic sport Snaggletooth would win a gold medal. He’s been enjoying some chocolate eggs that he usually only eats at Easter, some Wotsits, some raspberries and some Swiss roll this week. When he eats Swiss roll it becomes Swiss rock ‘n’ roll. I wonder if in Switzerland they just call it roll? Any Swiss readers please do get in touch and let me know.

I’m surprised to find I’ve fed 40 things to Snaggletooth already. I’m sure I’ll feed him many more, he’s not what you’d call a fussy eater. He’s been keen on the sushi today.

Everyone needs hobbies and as well as writing, I enjoy feeding things to a giant, pointy toothed, slightly menacing disembodied head which is the mascot of a great band. This isn’t even the silliest thing hobby I’ve ever had.

Snaggletooth has been favouring the sweet rather than the savoury lately. I have been brushing his teeth regularly.

The word “moist” is unpopular with some but Snaggletooth likes it, especially when applied to cake.

Snaggletooth is so heavy metal he can eat Marmite right out of the jar. Don’t try it at home, it’ll make your face go all gurny and is far too salty for humans to eat undiluted by bread. You should try pancakes with bacon and maple syrup though. Also, if you have a chum who is gloomy buy them some Mojos and hoorah! Mojo back!