The Very Metal Diary Of Cleo Howard July 23rd to 27th 1997


Wednesday 23rd July

We listened to some of Gav’s records. Pete Steele claims to be influenced by The Beatles so we gave them a go. It turns out that they didn’t just do soppy rubbish like “I Wanna Hold Your hand”. They also did “Eleanor Rigby” which is dark and gloomy.

 Thursday 24th July

Ian is playing Doom with Matty today. Mum told me to tidy my room and put any washing in the laundry basket. I started doing this but got distracted when I found my Game Boy and ended up playing Tetris for a couple of hours.

 Friday 25th July

I nearly saw T-Reg’s youknowwhat today! We* were all mucking about in the park, listening to music on Ella’s portable CD player and he put my CD down his pants and invited me to get it back! It was dark down there and I didn’t put my hand in but I saw something fleshy. It made me think of the courgettes Mrs Butler brings round occasionally.

*Me, Ian, Ella, Lizzie, T-Reg and STF, Dear diary.

 Saturday 26th July

Jenni got back from holiday this morning. She went topless on a beach! So did Minty! And her Mum! Her Mum, Dear Diary! I told her about nearly seeing Reg’s youknowwhat but since she’d been on a nudist beach it wasn’t a great story any more.

I wore my Wonderbra out of the house for the first time. It’s making stuff happen already, someone at the bar spilt a drink on me and some of it went on my top instead of straight onto my feet. We’re calling it a gincident! I think T-Reg was staring at my chest. I hope it was in a good way and not in a Sherlock Holmes kind of mystified way: The case of the sudden stackedness.

Also, I saw Barry! I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me, but he did and he said Hi. I asked him where he was working at the moment. He said he’s doing a house extension in Pangbourne and there are no cheerful redheads to walk past and make his morning! He hasn’t seen me for a couple of months (it seems like an eternity) so he may think my chest is the genuine article. He was with two girls and two guys again and I still can’t tell if he’s got a girlfriend. He is absolutely gorgeous, even with the eyebrow. He was wearing black jeans and a Slayer T-shirt and looked cleaner than he does at work.

Sunday 27th July

Mum’s lottery obsession has finally paid off! She got four numbers! She said I can have the fourteen hole cherry red DMs I’ve been on about for ages, on the strict condition that I only wear them at weekends, and she is getting a new stair carpet.

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