Bands Say The Funniest Things…

Stone TrigFrom 20th to 23rd July I’ll be chronicling the adventures of Terminus as they go on tour with Sykko Dollz and Stone Trigger. I hope all these chaps are having an early night tonight and I hope they’ve planned their tourdrobes*.

I predict it’s going to get quite rock n roll out there. At the very least people are going to eat sandwiches without putting a plate under them. People are going to stay up past midnight. People might not change their pants** every day.

I have no doubt some amusing things will get said while people are cooped up in a van. Until this happens, let’s have a reminder of some words from three great films about playing gigs/touring; Bad News Tour (1983), This Is Spinal Tap (1984) and David Brent Life On The Road (2016).

BadNewsQuotes from Bad News Tour:

Colin Grigson “Another heavy-metal day. No sleep until Castle Donington. Better have some vibes”.

Vim Fuego “Oh Jimi who art in heaven, Hendrix be thy name”.

Spider Webb “It’s all anarchy, innit?”

Den Dennis “I’m not getting back in the van until Alan says we’re heavy metal”.

Spinal TapQuotes from Spinal Tap:

Nigel Tufnell “I’ll rise above it. I’m a professional.”

Nigel Tufnell “They see us onstage with tight trousers. We’ve got, you know, armadillos in our trousers. It’s really quite frightening”.

David St Hubbins “They were still booing him when we came on stage”.

Derek SmallsWe’re very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they’re like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They’re two distinct types of visionaries, it’s like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water”.

Ian Faith (band manager) “Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful”.

BrentAnd finally, although this is a much more recent film and the music isn’t as heavy as I’d like, David Brent’s Life On The Road sums things up nicely with this quote from the Brentmeister General:

“I don’t need to be a rock star, you know? That’s just something I enjoy doing. I can live without being a success. But um, I couldn’t have lived without trying, and I did that. So, and everything works out, doesn’t it? You think you want one thing, along the way, and then you realise you needed something else. Life’s a struggle, with little beautiful surprises that make you wanna carry on through all the shit to the next little beautiful surprise, so yeah. All good”.


*A tourdrobe is a tour wardrobe – the clothes you wear on tour.

**If you’re reading this Mum, I will be changing my pants every day.

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