Spring is on the way here in Oxford and although not really a food, Snaggletooth has been eating tulips. He’s also enjoyed a jam and cream doughnut, some vanilla creme flavour Peeps hearts and some cheese and peanut butter flavour crackers.

Snaggletooth wouldn’t be called Snaggletooth if it weren’t for his generous gnashers so he always brushes them when he gets up and before he goes to bed. This week he’s been eating chocolate hearts, Lucky Charms (which reminded me of the scented eraser collection I had when I was at school, the mallow bits are wonderfully artificial) and he’s nibbled Parma Violets which made him smell delightful.

Snaggletooth has been eating exotic mango, Christmassy panettone, chewy liquorice toffees and Honey JD to provide him with lots of energy this week.

Snaggletooth has been eating broccoli, peppermint bark, tea straight from the caddy and brie this week.

This week Snaggletooth has been eating things left over from Christmas. He ignores all the weight loss diet adverts on TV in January because he’s a giant disembodied head so they don’t apply to him. With regard to Pringles he thinks once you pop you can stop if you use some steely willpower. He loved drinking the fancy JD Single Barrel. The Quality Street fudge and Creme Egg Twisted were from the bottom of tubs of Quality Street and Heroes. Snaggletooth is old enough to remember when these were in metal tins. He will always choose metal over plastic.

Snaggletooth loves a cup of British tea in his Alice Cooper mug. He also likes something a little stronger later in the day and was happy to get some Gentleman Jack for Christmas. Parsnips are one of his favourite vegetables and cocktail sausages remind him of parties.

Snaggletooth knows the importance of pairing food and wine, which is why he always eats cheese balls when drinking cherry Lambrini. Lambrini has three advantages over other types of wine, 1) it tastes nice, 2) if you take it to a house party it’s unlikely to get nicked by the other guests 3) it is very reasonably priced (getting giggly for under £1 hasn’t been possible since the 90s but it is with Lambrini). Lambrini has one disadvantage, it reminds Snaggletooth of the 1985 Jermaine Stewart song “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” because of the lyrics:

We don’t have to take our clothes off
To have a good time
Oh no
We could dance & party all night
And drink some cherry wine
Uh huh

Snaggletooth prefers the clothes off option. He has also eaten cake and chocolate lebkuchen with apricot jam filling this week.