I’ve loved Danzig’s music for 30 years and last night I saw him at Brixton Academy! It was the hottest indoor gig I’ve ever been at, so hot that even when standing still everyone was sweating and you could have turned to the chap next to you and wrung out his beard. I stood in the same spot I stood in to see the Ramones in 1992 and had such a great time. I’ve seen Danzig at Wacken Festival, Download Festival and the Roundhouse in Camden but last night was somehow the best. He spoke to the audience more than at any previous gig I’ve seen and I defy anyone not to get goosebumps when they hear him sing “Mother”, “She Rides” and “Long Way Back From Hell”.

Danzig gets 26 mentions in the Eviscerated Panda Saga and 37 mentions in the Cleo Howard Diaries. Here are just a few;

“Cleo danced around her room to the sounds of her getting ready to go out playlist. This included AC/DC’s ‘Whole Lotta Rosie’, X-Ray Spex’s ‘Oh Bondage Up Yours!’, Flotsam and Jetsam’s ‘Hammerhead’ and Danzig’s ‘The Hunter’”.

“It was a chilly Monday morning in autumnal Reading. Glenn Danzig was singing loudly; ‘She rides, let loose upon the world, she is the night’. Cleo got up quickly, having set her iPod alarm for as late and as loud as possible”.

“Ian’s reply came in the form of a quote from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; ‘Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space’. He followed this up with ‘Don’t panic’ and pointed out that in another, parallel  universe Jez and Cleo got married and lived happily ever after, but in this one they didn’t. In one universe they never even met. In one universe the Spira was never discontinued. In one universe Glenn Danzig is a tall man. In one universe Jason Statham is unable to say the word ‘trousers’ in a threatening manner. In one universe Gene Simmons is a shy man who doesn’t like to put his name to merchandise and refuses offers of casual sex. In one universe Rocky’s wife has a proper girl’s name. In one universe Ted Nugent is a pacifist vegan. In one universe bass players get all the chicks. In one universe Pete Steele has average sized genitals. In one universe furry pants wear Manowar”.

“Ian caused a tickle fight by saying that Danzig would have a willy like a fun size Mars bar. I couldn’t let him get away with that. Since last year Ian has got a lot stronger than me, Dear Diary”.

Since I was in Brixton I also took a look at the Bowie shrine.

I’m married to a guitarist who loves Joe Bonamassa so our annual vacation has been the Keeping The Blues Alive at Sea festival for the past two years. I’m way more of a metal fan than a blues fan but I love the festival because I love being around people who love music, on a massive floating luxury hotel, with unlimited ice cream. I even got some heavy metal highlights this year, which shouldn’t surprise me, since metal evolved from the blues.

So, in no particular order, here are my heavy highlights;

It was great to hear Black Country Communion on the pool deck stage and in conversation. I love that Glenn Hughes has chosen deep purple as his trouser colour. I also liked it when he said we’re all on a journey together because we actually were, from Miami to Jamaica, rather than the more metaphorical one he usually means. The last time I saw him I was on a journey from Wolverhampton to Oxford. It wasn’t mystical but I did enjoy Warwick services.

I got to hear a snippet of The Hunter (I know it from Danzig, but it originates from Albert King) during Joe Bonamassa’s Led Zep “How Many More Times” cover on the pool deck stage.

Larkin Poe did an awesome cover of War Pigs  in the cosy Bar City stage on Thursday. Horns were thrown by many members of the audience. I met them in the corridor and they happily posed for a photo with me and made my day.

Toronzo Cannon is not just an amazing story telling blues man from Chicago, he’s also a bit Spinal Tap. During the song Fine Seasoned Woman he talked about a marshmallow test he does to check the lady he’s going to give his attentions to has the cushion for the pushin’. He won’t do the dirty with women under 31 years old, which is quite specific. Also he claims to keep his marshmallows in the fridge.

Finally, the ship is very heavy, it weighs just over 93,500 gross tons, see the Wikipedia entry for the Norwegian Jade here. Its beautiful carpets are worth a mention, the masks one reminds me of Motley Crue’s Theatre Of Pain album cover and the dragons one makes me think of Dio and The Clash.

It’s been a big weekend for Terminus. They stepped in to two last minute gigs in the cesters of Tow and Bi. Friday night saw them in Towcester, at the Towcestrians Rugby Club, supporting fellow covers band Crimson Monkeys.

Both bands played Free’s “Wishing Well” and a sort of Wishing Well off was had. Seeing the Crimson Monkey’s Ro singing it, while wearing her fabulous high heels reminded me of the quote “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels”. I feel until I’ve seen Terminus’s Dean sing it in high heels I can’t decide whose was the best version. The rugby club is notable for still having poinsettias alive in February, which is quite a feat because they don’t like draughts and are sensitive to variations in temperature*.

Highlights of Terminus’s set were Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction’s “Prime Mover”**, Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” and Judas Priest’s “Breaking The Law”. The song “Sweatmeat” is on the set list, but this is actually Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat”. Sweatmeat sounds a bit horrible.

The Crimson Monkeys played an eclectic mix, highlights of which were “Mustang Sally” (popularised by the film The Commitments but first recorded back in 1965 by Mack Rice, who is also notable for his collaboration with Tommy Cheese, the two men together inventing Mac ‘n’ Cheese, a dish still enjoyed to this day), Thin Lizzy’s “Dancing In The Moonlight”, Bryan Adams “Summer Of ‘69”, The Rolling Stones “Honky Tonk Woman”, The Small Faces “All Or Nothing” and the Tom Robinson Band’s  “2 4 6 8 Motorway” which had the crowd counting along, mostly correctly. A big happy birthday to the bass player of the Crimson Monkeys!

On Saturday night Terminus played their second ever gig at The Bell, Bicester. When they played back in October they had a cracking night so spirits were high (I had Malibu). A new mike stand got its first outing (excellent arts and crafts work by Annette).

I went to the nearest kebab shop before the gig (yes, you do get to enjoy all the glamour when you hang out with Terminus), and they still had some tinsel and baubles on the counter. The tinsel was brown. I have only ever seen brown tinsel once before and this was in the Delight Kebab House in Cowley. Is the Kebab Marketing Board sending a memo to all kebab shops telling them to use brown tinsel?

Terminus had the crowd dancing from the off.  They played two sets, giving the crowd literally all they’d got, and then had shouts of more! There was nothing more in the Terminus trug of tunes so they played The Cult’s “Lil’ Devil” again. I’ve noticed that people love this and Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name” on a Saturday night, it’s enlivening. Having a Saturday night steam let off and shouting “Flump you I won’t do what you tell me!” with your mates is ruddy great fun.

I’ll leave you with a bit of Terminus philosophy. In their van hangs an air freshener that reads “You’re never too old to be immature”. Wise words indeed.

*Sorry, this isn’t Gardener’s World.

**It could be sung as prime mower, if this was Gardener’s World.

There are three songs which I’d like to be Christmas number one this year. I know they can’t all be, but I’m going to enjoy listening to them in December and I’m going to download them on the 18th December so the sale counts towards the Christmas chart.

The Christmas number one slot is fun to talk about. It harks back to earlier decades when we had less choice about the music we listened to. Liking the same music as someone else is a wonderfully bonding experience. And if you don’t share the same taste as someone? Then you can practice tolerance by agreeing to disagree (tolerance is bound to come in handy over the festive season). We can all moan about Mr Blobby (1993 Christmas number one) or Bob The Builder (2000 Christmas number one) because they aren’t real people, or be glad that a charity single got top spot, even if it isn’t to our taste musically. Here’s a list from Wikipedia of all the Christmas number ones so far.

My first festive fave for 2017 is a charity single supporting The National Association Of Bikers With Disability called Sykko Christmas from the splendid SYKKO DOLLZ

Next up is the wonderful Lawnmower Deth and Kim Wilde with their F U Kristmas tune. I’d also like them to re-write their classic Satan’s Trampoline as Santa’s Trampoline. Maybe next year?

Finally, there is a campaign to get AC/DC’s For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) to number one in tribute to Malcolm Young. I think this has a good chance, remember rock fans mobilised before in 2009 and got Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name to the pinnacle of the chart.

If you want to have a go at getting your own Christmas number one, some advice from www.officialcharts.com is here. Whatever Christmas songs you put in your head, have a wonderful, musical Christmas!

The music in the van on the way to the gig was Spinal Tap. Hearing St. Hubbins sing “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” always puts me in a good mood. Load in was easy with no stairs. The stage in The Bell has low beams and I hoped no-one would bang their head (or if they did it would be very gently but look funny and be caught on film so Terminus could make £250 on You’ve Been Framed). The Bell is a 17^th Century inn and is a proper job of a pub and Terminus are playing there for the first time. While setting up they were asked “Do you do Bon Jovi’s Summer Of ’69?”* which amused me.

Their first set opened with The Cult’s Lil’ Devil (which is currently used on an EasyJet advert. I wonder if this will make it more or less popular with audiences in future?) By song three, Gary Moore’s “Walking by Myself”, some great dancing had broken out. Local DJ Chris King spent some time on tambourine and by half way through the first set it was clear that the Bicestonians in The Bell are really keen for a good night out. I spoke to a friendly couple who had come in at lunch time for two drinks after shopping and then stayed. I hope they hadn’t bought any frozen food.

The Terminus signature tune of Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat” with its grind, wiggle wiggle dance went well. I’m wearing in some new DMs, but due to all the other noise no one heard them creak while I was dancing. I can thank St. Hubbins (the patron saint of quality footwear) for this.

Set two opened with Thin Lizzy’s “Jailbreak” and then it was classic rock and metal all the way. There was a spontaneous guitar off between Liam and John. As the crowd cheered for one and then the other I reflected that it was the time of  night when people will amiably cheer at the slightest provocation. Hurrah! Yay! Woo-hoo!

A girl standing next to me correctly guessed the last song would be Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name”. It got bouncy on the dance floor because everyone loves shouting “Flip you, I won’t do what you told me” on a Saturday night when they’ve had a few Honey JD and lemonades. After this there were shouts of “More!” and I thought don’t let The Bell end.

The gig in brief:

Number of Motörhead T-shirts in venue: 2

Number of crisps flavours available behind bar: Loads, there’s traditional potato plus Monster Munch, Quavers and Mini Cheddars.

Interesting design features: Textured wallpaper in ladies loo, fireplace and kettle on stage behind drummer.

Excitement causing sentence of the night: “Did you know Bicester has a Wimpy?”

*No, but we’ll have a go at Bryan Adams’ Livin’ On A Prayer 😉

West Midlands four piece SYKKO DOLLZ have recorded a slice of solid hard rock happiness. It’s so catchy it’s like peanut butter on the inside of your brain. It’s like 1988 in better trousers. It’s an awesome foursome of party music.

It starts with “Cheap Trick Baby” which is full of guitar that will play in your memory long after you’ve finished listening to it. Then we get “Riding All Night” which makes you remember when music was exciting and musicians were outlaws. What are they riding away from? Why do they have to do it all night? Is there not a Travelodge nearby? Who cares, we’ll follow them anywhere by the end of the second verse, even though they claim “Life ain’t easy when you’re riding all night”.

Next up, “She’s My Girl”, a satin heart of knicker loosening romantic warbling. It’s Valentine’s Day in musical form. One line especially drew my attention, I can’t tell if Gaz is singing “I’ve got a feeling in my bones” or “I’ve got a feeling in my balls”, but either way it’s a pleasant sentiment. You can listen on Spotify to “She’s My Girl”. Finally “I Win You Lose” is an anti-bullying anthem with a chorus full of wisdom. It’s got drumming like feet running away from a sad situation towards an improvement.

I’ve seen the Dollz live five times and it’s always been fun. Sometimes the experience includes clowns distributing shots. Always it includes a great Singer, Gaz Harris (who you might recognise from his previous vocal work with the Gypsy Pistoleros and Wrathchild UK), a flamboyantly coiffured bassist Neil Franklin, the drumming whirlwind Connor Laight and guitar star Aaron Laight. The Dollz are starting to attract plum support slots and are on the rise, don’t miss them when they come to your town!

Have you ever lived life on the dirty side of midnight with some salsa dancing pirates? It’s a lot of fun but keep an eye on your bucket and spade. Ilfracombe is not near Oxford so the Terminus camp decided to make a weekend of it. It was a mostly* good journey to the seaside. It’s rare you get a whole car of people who all like fig rolls.

My first sighting of the Chill Bar was when load in happened at 11am. I loved it on first sight and we got a hugely warm welcome from Isabel. After load in Ilfracombe was our oyster. There were arcades, the harbour, a bike rally, pubs and a chocolate emporium. We promenaded and found fun. Helen held a snake, I bought a souvenir teaspoon rest (it’s not all rock ‘n’ roll). In the early evening the Sykko Dollz answered the question “What shall we do with the drunken vocalist?” with “Send him for a snooze until he’s sober”.

The Chill Bar was host to a 30^th birthday party for Sophie who dances splendid salsa and it made for a mixed musical evening. It’s not often I hear The Vengaboys, Ken Dodd and Gypsy Pistoleros numbers all in one evening. It’s also not often that I have a pink bucket and spade with me on a Saturday night (thanks Steve and Michelle). I sipped a sex on the beach and looked around me at all the seamen and wenches. Aarrrr! This be a fine hostelry, I thought.

Terminus went on at nine, the pirating hour. Dean had on a double dose of guyliner, one lot for rock singing and a second lot for pirating. His parrot had developed a puncture but luckily Lawrence was on hand to fix it with some gaffa tape. The bar bounced to Terminus’s cover of “All The Small Things”. The salsa dancers did some very fine grind, wiggle, wiggling to Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat”. Heavy Metal Panda got introduced to the crowd and was very excited. As well as dancing there was cutlass waving (only plastic and inflatable ones, no need for alarm) and I waved my pink spade. The set ended with Rage Against The Machine’s sweartastic “Killing In the Name”.

Sykko Dollz gave us a treasure chest of catchy choruses and singalong numbers. I can’t wait until they’ve finished their EP. The crowd sang along, belting out “I win, you lose, should have known better”, “She’s my girl” and “Life ain’t easy when you’re riding all night”. The Abba cover “Does Your Mother Know?” was delivered with a camp tongue in cheekness that had an element of Jack Sparrow to it. A trio of Sykko Clowns came out with shots and kicked the party up a notch. The Dollz ended with a Gypsy Pistoleros song with a chorus that goes “Hey, hey, hey, where did I go wrong? I’m living my life on the dirty side of midnight”.

I like it on the dirty side of midnight…

The gig in brief:

Number of Motörhead T-shirts in venue – 2

Number of salsa dancers in venue – loads of accomplished ones.

Number of pink bucket and spade sets lost by absent minded party goers – 1

Best anagram of Ilfracombe – frolic beam

Cutest pirate/Sykko Clown – Evie Franklin

*We stopped at Gordano services. I ordered a tuna and sweetcorn six inch sub. The man filled two inches of it and then realised he’d run out of tuna. He offered me other things to complete it but I don’t like tuna with other things. I assume that Gordano services was started by three men called Gordon, Daniel and Noel who were on a mission to serve overpriced food to a wide section of the population in slightly too bright surroundings. There must be a parallel universe somewhere in which three men called Noel, Daniel and Gordon decided service stations should be pleasing and so they opened Onadrog services which is a wonderful place where the food served is tasty, reasonably priced and from the local area and people are fully aware of how much tuna they’ve got.

Anyway, the moral of this story is don’t start a fish based task you can’t finish and if you promise six inches and can only deliver two there will be disappointment.

There was a small horde of three people waiting to get in upstairs at the Wheatsheaf tonight. This kind of  bank holiday weekend keenness set the mood for the rest of the evening. It was a friendly bunch who came through the doors and got the usual “The Wheatsheaf ate my Baby” hand stamp from the lovely Lou.

FyreSky kicked us off nice and heavily. I recommend checking out their track Thunder Child on You Tube. A massive congratu-well done to the bass player for finding time to put on some serious make-up before coming out tonight. Earlier this week Terminus had suggested if people are in a rush after work that they just wash the three F’s then hasten to the pub.

Next up we had Silent Jack who are hard rockers from Birmingham. These guys gave great medley within their song “Love Factory”. There was a bit of Alice Cooper, a bit of Warrant, and much more besides, getting us in the mood for Terminus’s covers to come. I started to get interested in the idea of a Love Factory and wondered how many employees are in this factory? Is there a cafeteria? What’s the pension plan like? Is there time off at Christmas? I like music that makes me think. I also enjoyed the song “Too Many Women”. I counted how many women were present during this song. There were seven. You can check out Silent Jack on Reverbnation. It’s feel good bouncey stuff.

Pre-gig Terminus had the usual conversation about not speeding up towards the end of the songs, with everyone thinking everyone else does it but they don’t. Perhaps it’s an inevitable part of life that when engaged in doing something pleasurable chaps will speed up towards the end.

Terminus’s set tonight had a bit of a school disco feel. A lot of the audience had seen Terminus before and knew what to expect. I like watching the ebb and flow of the crowd, watching people’s faces change when one of their favourite songs gets played. My faves tonight were Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction’s “Prime Mover” (a great song from an under-rated artist) and Black Pistol Fire’s “Suffocation Blues” (Dean has started using his mike lead to suggest a strangle-wank during this song). I loved watching the dancing to Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat”. The grind, wiggle wiggle seems to be catching on.

Terminus next play the Wheatsheaf on the 30th December and it should be a very fun  New Year’s Eve Eve Party so pop over to Facebook and add yourself to the event.