Waking in Wolverhampton I feel sad that it’s the last day of the tour already. Today is the London date that no tour would be complete without and so we’re off to The Lounge, Archway, London after breakfast which is a fun meal. There are a few bleary eyes about and, thinking about hangovers, I’m reminded of the old Elvira joke;

“How’s your head?”

“I’ve never had any complaints”.

I have a partial English (I’m not a sausage fan, contrary to what you might have heard) and a black cherry yogurt. After breakfast and freshening up Heavy Metal Panda decided to be the first panda in history to ever leave an extra towel in a hotel.

We do more standing about in a car park. We realise the Terminus vehicles are going to be cramped so Emmy, Heavy Metal Panda and I get to go to London with Gaz of the Sykko Dollz and his lovely wife Helen. Part way through the journey Heavy Metal Panda is a bit star struck, thinking it a privilege to hear great vocalist Gaz singing along to Absolute Rock radio. We get to Archway first and have a cosy meal in McDonalds before everyone else arrives.

The venue is plush. There is a glitterball and a celebrity sound guy, Danny Felice from Breed 77. On the journey from Wolvo I’d said “I wonder if we’ll see any celebs in London, apart from the ones we’re taking with us of course”. I take a picture of a mural of a woman in her undies on the wall. Alan explains this is Jessica Alba and he describes her talents, looking wistful. Alba, if you’re reading, I think you might be in there.

Soundcheck is fast and precise. Doors open at 8:00 and Terminus take to the stage at 8:30. Some Oxford locals have come out to see them which is much appreciated. Terminus play a short set that includes Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat” (otherwise known as the grind wiggle wiggle song), Kiss’s “Detroit Rock City” and they finish with Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World”. It’s the highest stage they’ve ever played on. John’s hat is very sweaty after. I don’t assess the sweatiness of the rest of the band because that would be weird.

Next up we have the Sykko Dollz. They play only their original material tonight. I’m at the front with the Dollz faithful singing and dancing along. I really need the Dollz to get into the studio and record. I’d love to have been able to take these songs home with me. The crowd is jolly and a section of it keeps breaking out into a chorus of “You’re so vain”. The dancing to “Riding All Night” is as suggestive as that in Terminus’s grind wiggle wiggle song.

Headline act Stone Trigger round off the weekend with an enthusiasm impressive for chaps performing for the fourth time in a row. I’ve developed a deep fondness for the tracks “Rattle Your Bones” and “Children of the Night”. You can get their album from Stone Trigger Big Cartel and become fond of them yourself.

I have Stone Trigger’s Tommy to thank for making me feel like I was back at the Queens Arms, Oxford in 1989, because he was in the ladies’ loo, doing his eyeliner. When I first began frequenting rock pubs there were always blokes in the ladies’ using the mirror. I overheard Sykko Dollz singer Gaz say “Was there a dressing room? I was still in my boxers when punters were coming through the door, I was putting on more of a show than I should have been”. Further glamour was added to the evening when we spotted beautiful alternative model Dani Divine. This inspired Emmy  to attempt to teach John and Alan to walk like a model. More work is needed on this project.

Now the sad bit. Goodbyes. I think of the Dr Seuss quote; “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. Helen echoes my thoughts when she says she wishes we could create a heavy metal island to all live together on and never have to go to work. Music is escapism. It’s what makes the boring bits of life bearable. It’s what accompanies our celebrations. It’s what brings people together. It’s what thunders through the veins of all the Sunday night gig goers. It’s what makes us feel alive and in the moment. It leaves us better than it found us. It becomes part of us.

Heavy Metal Panda and I would like to thank everyone for a wonderful weekend.

 

The gig in brief

Most disturbing sentence of the night: “It’s time to go home”.

Number of Motörhead T shirts in the venue: 1.

Number of middle aged men enrolled in Emmy’s model school: 2.

Number of crisps flavours available behind bar: 0. The bar man told me they used to have crisps but they don’t now. I think the people who usually come to this venue are probably too cool to eat crisps in a bar.

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny in Evesham. My husband and I had spent the night in single beds due to a slight mix up when booking. The Terminus camp decided to seek out a fry-up and were successful in the Old Swanne Inn Wetherspoons. We were the loudest customers and the ones wearing the least beige. I chose pancakes with maple syrup. They were microwaved to near perfection. Next we did a lot of standing about in a car park. It’s not a proper tour if you don’t do this. We then began a drive from Evesham to Wolverhampton. It’s the first time in Wolverhampton for three-fifths of Terminus and for me. I’m keen to see the sights because I love the TV series Raised By Wolves.

Here’s a quote from Della, the Mum in Raised By Wolves; “Underage clubbing was the making of me. If I hadn’t vomited my guts up on cheap cider night after night and been punched hard in the tit by a Goth in a mosh pit I wouldn’t be the woman I am today”.

Also, Wolverhampton has got some great rock history. Tyla (Dog’s D’amour, Spike & Tyla’s Hot Knives, The Tyla J. Pallas Band) hails from Wolverhampton and Noddy Holder has an honorary degree from the University of Wolverhampton.

“Out of darkness cometh light” is the city’s motto. While I was there it was mostly darkness and rain so I did minimal sightseeing.  I saw the view from the hotel window (of a skip, a roundabout and a funeral directors), a Betfred, a pub called The George Wallis, and the splendid venue The Giffard Arms. I’m making a promise to myself to go back to Wolverhampton and do it properly one day.

Terminus kicked off Saturday night by playing a set of classic partying tunes. It’s the Zodiac Mindwarp “Prime Mover” cover that does it for me time after time. The intro is amazing. I’m with Dean as he proclaims “We shall be drunken stars, we shall fear nothing, demand the impossible, dream your destiny” and then he gives us “defy the logic of alphabets” and I start wondering how I’d write anything without an alphabet. But he’s carrying on with “I slayed the king of the wolves, nothing is impossible” and then I wonder if the wolves have a new king now, since it must have been about 1988 when Zodiac Mindwarp first slayed him.

Next I witnessed the hair magic happen for Neil of the Sykko Dollz. The awesome hair stylist Alex Barker soon had Neil’s mohawk stiffer than a gin with no tonic, more upstanding than a 1980s teenage boy with the Kays catalogue open on the underwear section, and greener than an apprentice who goes on an errand to buy tartan paint. Sykko Dollz look great onstage against the red velvet curtains. Gaz’s contact lenses add an otherworldly edge to his face. It’s my third time seeing the Dollz and I’ve moved closer to the front since Thursday and started singing along with all the choruses. The Dollz faithful are out in force and are a very friendly bunch.

Headline act Stone Trigger are full of class and professionalism tonight. During a minor mike issue Tommy leads a singalong of Bon Jovi. He doesn’t lose the crowd for a picosecond. He moves about the stage constantly, letting everyone in the room get a look and a listen. This band are superb at songs with the noise “woah-oh” in. You need this kind of music on a Saturday.

All too soon it’s load out down metal stairs in the rain. I start humming to myself and I realise I’ve re-purposed Marillion’s “We’re just sugar mice in the rain” lyric  to “We’re just metal stairs in the rain”.

It’s hard to leave the venue because it has everything there should be in a pub; great music, friendly bar staff, JD Honey, the traditional installation in any pub’s ladies’ loo on a Saturday night of a woman assuring her mate she isn’t going to text her ex later.

The ladies’ loos in The Giffard Arms have cubicles with doors marked Goddess, Vamp and Mistress. I was going to go in Goddess but went in Vamp because there was tiny bit of sick in Goddess. Emmy went in Goddess when it was clean. I wonder which is most popular?…

The gig in brief

Most disturbing sentence of the night: “We’re not taking orders because our chef has to go out”. I nearly got hangry.

Number of Motörhead T shirts in the venue: 3.

Number of Elvira pictures in the venue: 1.

Number of crisps flavours available behind bar: The bar had sweets and crisps available. Sweets top trump crisps any day.

 

 

 

 

Instead of being at work on a Friday I’m on a journey from Oxford to Evesham. We’re on the highway to, hang on, let me check…we’re on the A44, passing through pretty Cotswold villages. We’ve got Haribo Tangfastics, rooms booked at The Iron Road and an urge for more live music*.

Terminus are going to play a different set to the one they played last night in Witney but some of them are having trouble with the concept of set A and set B. The no stairs load in pleases everyone because it leaves more time for drinking. There’s a school’s out for summer feeling in the air. I spend a pleasant five minutes watching the Terminus backdrop getting bulldog clipped up. With all the “A bit higher on your side, a bit lower on your side, to me, to you” goings on it’s like an episode of The Chuckle Brothers in black T-shirts.

Speaking of T-shirts, some of Terminus have the conversation about whether it is or isn’t acceptable to wear your own T-shirt on stage. Terminus have got merch for the first time and are excited by it. You might think “Grind, wiggle wiggle” is an odd thing to print on a T-shirt, but it commemorates a dance done by sections of the audience when Terminus play Rose Tattoo’s “Sweetmeat”. You need to come to a gig to see it in all its glory and I’ll provide a tutorial if you want to join in but don’t know how. One audience member picks it up very fast, takes his shirt off and performs it with gusto. I’ve rarely seen such enthusiastic gyrations in public.

After Terminus have played set B (or was it set A?) we get the Sykko Dollz. I’m seeing them for the second time and I’m already hooked by them. It all gets a bit weird when they have clowns that hand out shots. It’s sweaty in the venue anyway and I’m impressed by the dedication of those willing to don clown suits and add to the already compelling spectacle of the Dollz in full force.

Headline act Stone Trigger go on when it’s as hot and sticky as a microwaved apple pie but they don’t get slowed down by it. Nor do they insist on having all the limelight. They get a multiple vocalists version of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” going which delights the crowd and also makes the crowd a bit less crowded because some of the crowd is now on the stage. Also, all the crowd is now singing so it’s hard to know where crowd ends and the band begins. There are a couple of rock celebs in the crowd, with Evesham being the birthplace of NWOBHM noise merchants Wrathchild (and Sykko Dollz singer Gaz Harris having done a big chunk of vocal duties in Wrathchild as Gaz Psychowrath).

It’s a very successful night and I’m relieved that there is no long journey home. The bar stays packed with chatting, dancing and drinking patrons until a rock and roll hour way past midnight. I notice when it’s approaching midnight and say, to Alan, while pointing at the clock, “It’s two minutes to midnight Alan”. Alan starts singing an Iron Maiden classic. I say “I knew I could rely on you” and smile thinking about the lovely chats I’ve had with people tonight, some of whom I only just met.

The gig in brief

Most disturbing sentence of the night: “He could have got it all cheaper in Thailand”.

Number of Motörhead T shirts in the venue: 2.

Number of clowns in the venue: 2.

Number of crisps flavours available behind bar: Dunno, because they do great burgers so I didn’t need any crisps. I chose the Lemmy burger. I got to say “I’m the Lemmy” when my food arrived. John had the B.B. King burger which arrived while he was sound checking so he had the slightly cold chips blues.

 

*This blog is mostly about the stuff that happens around the music. Plenty of people film bands onstage, or post set lists online, or review the music and that’s great. I however, will mainly be reviewing the dicking around between the music and facilitating a glimpse into the (probably) exciting life of a band on the road.

 

It was comedian Tim Vine who said “I never tell people what I get up to at the top of small hills. What goes on on tor, stays on tor”. I’m going to do the opposite and tell you about the Sleaze* In The City Tour.

Firstly a big thank you to Alan for giving me a lift to Fat Lils in Alan’s Babemobile** It was a sunny, loud ride and I did my first ever listening to Paramore (and heard great singing along by babes Emmy, Emily and Shannon).

The opening band were the splendidly named Sykko Dollz (pronounced Psycho Dolls, in case you’re wondering).  Not since the glory days of Kerrang! has the over used letter c been swapped so enthusiastically with the less common letter k. You can tell this band gig a lot, they were on top form. They all have great hair. I didn’t expect the Abba cover. I look forward to getting more familiar with their set over the next three nights.

Terminus were the filling in the sleaze sandwich tonight. They selected the stuff from their repertoire that was likely to please a sleaze crowd and it looked like it did from where I was standing. Personally I love their cover of Zodiac Mindwarp’s “Prime Mover”, the crowd seemed to enjoy their sleazy Rose Tattoo cover plus their non-sleazy Blink 182 and Rage Against The Machine. Bass player Steve was wearing an appropriate Motörhead T-shirt for today is Motörhead day (see Lemmium for more details).

The main event, all the way from Ireland to entertain us, was Stone Trigger. Fond of writing big glossy catchy party music, fluorescent posters and wearing sunglasses indoors they had the crowd grinning from the off. A duet of Welcome To The Jungle occurred, with Terminus’s Dean joining Tommy onstage.  You can listen to their latest single Masquerade on YouTube.

A big thanks to Liam for the lift home and to a tipsy John who claimed to have eaten a camemberg which we assumed was a half camembert, half Battenberg creation.

 

The gig in brief

Most disturbing phrase of the night: “jizz towel”.

Number of Motörhead T shirts in the venue: 3.

Number of bandanas in the venue: too many to count. If we tied them all end to end we could probably have reached the next venue on the tour.

Number of people wearing sunglasses indoors: lots.

Number of people convincingly wearing sunglasses indoors: actually lots. It seems that sunglasses indoors is fine in a sleaze context. Looking around Fat Lils last night it seemed a bit like someone was filming a sequel to The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years.

Number of crisps flavours available behind bar: 1 (cheese and onion).

 

*The type of sleaze to which I refer is the musical type, not the odious News Of The World type. Sleaze is a hard rock sub genre that flat out refused to leave the 80s. It clung on with glitter nail varnished fingers to the doorway that led from the 80s to the 90s and it hasn’t slipped through yet. It prides itself on having good hair and having a good time all the time.

**Not my words. The credit for this goes to Dean Thirkettle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today Terminus tell us what they think is the best use of a potato and give us their choices of three songs to get a quiet pub rocking on a Saturday night.

 

I think the above answers reassure us that if Terminus happened to be paid for a gig in potatoes* they would not be wasted.

I also asked Terminus, if you were in a quiet pub on a Saturday night with an internet jukebox, what three songs would you put on to get the party started?

All the links to these songs on YouTube open in a new window. All of Noel’s choices are unknown to me.

John would choose Manowar – Heart Of Steel, Accept – Balls To The Wall & AC/DC – Riff Raff.

Steve picked Kiss – Detroit Rock City, Meatloaf – Bat Out Of Hell** & Van Halen – Jump.

Noel selected T’Pau – Island, Huey Lewis And The News – Walking With The Kid & Jon & Vangelis – I’ll Find My Way Home.

Dean opted for Hardcore Superstar – We Don’t Celebrate Sundays, Mötley Crüe – Kickstart My Heart & Lordi – Hard Rock Hallelujah.

Liam’s carefully considered tunes are Steel Panther – Tomorrow Night, Metallica – Creeping Death & the classic riffage of Pantera – Cowboys From Hell.

 

 

*Maybe the Potato Council will book them for their Christmas party.

**A good value jukebox choice, it’s long and Meat is wearing a smashing blouse.

Today Terminus reveal what their favourite jam is and who their musical influences are.

John’s fave jam is orange marmalade. Citrus fruits think they’re special and refuse to be lumped in with other fruits* and so insist on being called marmalades when they give themselves up to a sugary bath and being put in a jar.

Noel has misunderstood the question and thought about a musical jam, which is when two or more people who can play an instrument show off to each other for a bit. Jams can go on for hours and usually only stop at bed time or when someone’s Mum calls them in for their tea.

Dean makes his own blackberry and apple jam. How’s that for rock and roll? He also makes awesome chutney. Preserve on dude!

Steve likes raspberry seedless jam. This is the jam that most commonly gets the gig for hanging around inside doughnuts. You’ve probably worn a sugar encrusted blob of this on your jumper at some time in your life.

Liam doesn’t like jam! If he has toast, he puts baked beans on it. No-one has invented baked bean jam yet.

I had no idea jam was such a fascinating subject, but let’s unstick ourselves and find out about who influences Terminus musically.

Steve is influenced by Geddy Lee, Lemmy** and Billy Sheehan.

Liam takes inspiration from James Hetfield, Zakk Wylde, Dimebag Darrell, Scott Ian, and Randy Rhoads.

Noel favours Marco Minemann, Hannah Ford and John Bonham.

Dean has a set of influences for when singing with Terminus and for when drumming, because he can do that too (cripes! How does he find time with all that jam making?) Vocally Dean’s influences are Geoff Tate, Snowy Shaw and Blaze Bailey. Drummerly influences are Vikki Foxx, Steve Adler and Petter Karlson.

John is influenced by Joe Bonamassa, Gary Hoey and BB King. John has met Gary Hoey twice and was jolly pleased both times. He’s probably going to buy a Dobro guitar because he saw Gary use one and he liked the sound.

 

 

 

*The worldwide council of oranges, limes, lemons and grapefruits meet once a year to decide their agenda for the coming twelve months. In a secret document I’ve (probably) seen, their plan for this year is to squirt you while you try to eat them and to go off if you disrespect them by not using them quite quickly.

**Aren’t we all? What situation can’t be helped by asking yourself “What would Lemmy do?”

The start of the Sleaze In The City tour, during which Terminus support Stone Trigger and Sykko Dollz is getting close now so I asked Terminus what would be their biggest challenge on tour and if they could have a three item rider, what would they ask for?

I’ll give you the biggest challenge answers word for word and you can decide for yourself what the atmos in the van will be like by day four!

Steve’s biggest challenge on tour will be “Not killing the bloody singer”.

Liam’s will be “Keeping my guitars clean”.

Noel’s is “Not killing anyone”.

Dean’s is “Staying sober and not being murdered by the bassist…”.

John’s is “Not strangling the other band members”.

I’m sure this is just the band banter of great mates, like in Bad News or Spinal Tap.

The rider question was inspired by my reading of The Little Red Riders Book. This splendid book reveals that Motörhead asked for Kinder Surprise eggs. Also revealed is that Def Leppard wanted fruit juice, wheat-free cookies and very, very small plums and it was Van Halen who asked for a bowl of M&Ms with the brown ones taken out.

I asked Terminus what three items would you like on your rider?

Steve would like Coors Light, nachos and tequila.

Liam’s preference is for Diet Pepsi, comic books and wifi for YouTube.

Noel wants a  USB charger, unlimited water, and a new drumkit.

Dean wants veggie Pizza, Kraken rum and Coke.

John wants cold cider. I pointed out this was one item. He said “Okay, three cold ciders then”.

Simple men with simple tastes, unlike David Hasselhoff, who requested a life-size cut out of David Hasslehoff!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I ask if Terminus was an animal, what animal would it be? Also, would they go to a gig to watch the hologram of a dead musician perform? And if so, who would they like to see?

The animal Terminus would be quite a beastie if you took all five answers and imagined the resulting creature.

All the chaps had a good reason for their answer. John chose panda because they’re fat, lazy and have rubbish sex lives. Noel picked a herd of spiders* because Terminus is just as uncontrollable. Dean chose the goat for being satanic, yet friendly.

We had two votes for elephant. Steve’s reasoning was because elephants are overweight and full of shit (I think they’re being too hard on themselves, I prefer to think of them as cuddly and keen to share their opinions) and Liam chose elephant because of loudness.

We’ve ended up with Terminus being a spipandelephoat (my spell check hates this word and wants it to be radiotelephone). The spipandelephoat has the legs of a spider and the legs of a goat, with the head of an elephant and the fluffy bottom and body of a panda. If anyone can draw it, or a herd of it, I will reward them with a biscuit.

There are sadly a lot of musicians who’ve checked into the big after party in the sky. We miss their huge talents. One of the reasons I love covers bands is because they can play music that can no longer be heard live by the original artists.

So, would any of Terminus watch a hologram? We have three negative answers and two positives.

Dean says he wouldn’t pay for a hologram. He says “Long live live music!” John also says no. Steve answered “No, I don’t want to see Dio!!” He’s referring to the use of a Ronnie James Dio hologram at Wacken 2016.

Liam  would watch a hologram so he could see Pantera with Dimebag on guitar. Noel  would watch a hologram Freddie Mercury**

Perhaps the best holograms are still Jem and the Holograms from the late 80s cartoon.

 

 

 

*Yeah, we know the collective term for spiders is more usually a cluster or a clutter. But Noel and I much prefer herd.

**Science fact – Freddie Mercury is no longer allowed to be used in the manufacture of thermometers, having been replaced with the safer alternative ethanol. Freddie Ethanol doesn’t have the same ring to it somehow.